i revised this piece at least a dozen times and am still not happy. how can one bring out the real feeling? we were old fashioned people. no touching business. so saree fringe used to have a significance. also, no cosmetics or perfumes those days. kuticura talcum powder was the biggest luxury. so the fragrance, if one got to stand or sit with the other party on the windward side, used to be the natural fragrance of a garden of spring flowers with a musk deer in hiding somewhere among the hedges.
How many times would you have rewound the images! The few words exchanged you would have certainly replayed a hundred times in your mind. I certainly understand your typical artist's frustration. The word is not the thing but is the next best thing. This is the time to mine those romantic memories and turn them into poetry. The distance would help.
friends, this word restriction too is an experiment. i don't know how to package it, really. word in itself is a sound, a disturbance, a distraction. so if one uses the minimum number of words and selects only the least distractive of words, it comes as close to truth as possible. don't you think so? images come to the reader's mind, images from within the reader him/herself. these 17 syllables are a key. it opens the treasure chest in the reader. like kpj thought of marlyne manroe. the writer becomes insignificant. it is your poem totally. i too think this is a good poem. but, see, it took so much discussion for it to unfold. a good haiku will keep unfurling with each reader. it has nothing to do with the writer. it is in spite of the writer. that is beauty of it.
8 comments:
oh ! wow!
and what fragrance it brings with?
i revised this piece at least a dozen times and am still not happy. how can one bring out the real feeling? we were old fashioned people. no touching business. so saree fringe used to have a significance. also, no cosmetics or perfumes those days. kuticura talcum powder was the biggest luxury. so the fragrance, if one got to stand or sit with the other party on the windward side, used to be the natural fragrance of a garden of spring flowers with a musk deer in hiding somewhere among the hedges.
How many times would you have rewound the images! The few words exchanged you would have certainly replayed a hundred times in your mind. I certainly understand your typical artist's frustration. The word is not the thing but is the next best thing. This is the time to mine those romantic memories and turn them into poetry. The distance would help.
forgive me, but for some strange reason the image of marlyn monroe on the air vent comes to my mind!
woh...
smelt it :)
y dont u avoid this word verifikation?
friends, this word restriction too is an experiment. i don't know how to package it, really. word in itself is a sound, a disturbance, a distraction. so if one uses the minimum number of words and selects only the least distractive of words, it comes as close to truth as possible. don't you think so? images come to the reader's mind, images from within the reader him/herself. these 17 syllables are a key. it opens the treasure chest in the reader. like kpj thought of marlyne manroe. the writer becomes insignificant. it is your poem totally. i too think this is a good poem. but, see, it took so much discussion for it to unfold. a good haiku will keep unfurling with each reader. it has nothing to do with the writer. it is in spite of the writer. that is beauty of it.
“Saree nee cherichetti poke nin mruduroma charuvaam kanankaal kandenikku pavam thonni…”
- Vailoppilli
it is such moments that are the highlights of your life, Arun, when you look back. but you are only beginning into it. happy journey!
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